Thursday, April 9, 2009

What's Missing?

So I just read on that The National Center for Health Statistics reported that in 2007, 40% of women between the ages of 15-44 had babies out of wedlock. 28% of them are White, 51% of them are Hispanic, and 72% were Black women. Some of this numbers, however, are women who chose to have kids without a husband and lesbian couples. I'm not sure what percentage that is, but I'm sure it's not a very large one. As a statistic myself, it wasn't the stats that surprised me. It was the fact that there are women who say they didn't NEED a man to take care of them and their children, that they could do it all on their own. Now, I agree that marriage is not for everyone and marriage does not always constitute a happy home, but for a woman to think she doesn't need a man to raise her children, is ABSURD!

I've heard people say, "A woman can't teach a boy how to be man." Well, in my opinion, a woman also can't teach a girl about unconditional love and respect from a man. Sons and daughters need their fathers. Just because a woman has two degrees, is making six figures, owns her own luxury car, home and business, does not mean that she should be raising children alone. Granted, there are fathers who don't want to be in their children's life and are just no-good in general. But ladies, don't believe that there is not a man out there willing to be that father figure for your child[ren]. It's selfish to think that a man is not needed to raise children. So what if you don't like your child's father? Does that give you the right to keep them away from each other? Unless, that father is a damaging feature in your child's life, it's unfair to deny him his parental rights to his child.

There are some Black women who have this mentality that they don't need a Black man and they can do bad by themselves. In my opinion, this mentality is a result (indirect or direct) of slavery and the psychological damage its had on us. Now, I know there are people who think that slavery has nothing to do with how Black women view Black men, but unfortunately, that's the case. Due to the constant degradation of the Black man's ego, dignity, and pride, Black men never were able to fully grasp the position of head of household, which in turn, forced Black women to step up and assume the role of caretaker, provider, and nurturer. Now, unfortunately, more Black women have taken on the role of shattering the Black man's ego.

Ladies, our men need our support and encouragement. Without it, we can't have that strong family structure that is so desperately needed in our communities. Men, you have to start taking responsibility for your children and not allow egos and pride to interfere with how you raise your kids. Also, even if the father of your children is not in their lives, it's important to have a positive male influence in his place. Our children depend on it.

1 comment:

  1. I would have to say that I disagree. A woman can successfully raise a child by herself. Any person can despite the gender implications. I think it is essentially the atmosphere that you raise that child. Any parent single, couple, gay/lesbian would need a social support network. In that network there can be all types of examples set. It all goes back to "It takes a village". Positive influences do not have to be left to the father. Not all fathers are a positive influence.

    Now when are we going to step away from blaming slavery for everything that is work with the African American community. There are entirely too many opportunities for Black Men and Women, Youth, and Elders for this EXCUSE to continue. I am by no means suggesting that we forget what happened, but to dwell in the past and blame others for present mistakes is redundant and sad. You are in charge of your own future. If Black men are tired of the way that they are perceived then it is up to them to change it. It isn't about ego, it's about responsibility and respect. When society stops making it ok to be a rapper or a drug dealer then is when change will come. Minorities often attempt to strive for instant gratification. That instant gratification mentality is the down fall of the majority of Black Men. If you start to better yourself, then the natural progression will be passed on to your children.